"I'm a Big Kid Now"

I'm not quite sure if the commercial is still on television, but when I was a little bitty girl, I loved the Pull Ups commercial and I would always sing along with the song:

"Mommy wow! I'm a big kid now!"

If you don't know this song, then holy crap I must be really old.

When I was in my potty training age, I would always sing the song when I went to the bathroom or put on my "big girl pants" because I was so proud that I was becoming a big girl.

Well, I'm becoming a big girl all over again right now and I am proud, but I am not quite as excited as I was when I was two that I would sing a song about it - I'm more terrified.

This fall, I will be attending my final year of college - final for now since I'm not going to Graduate school - and I'm excited initially when I think about graduating, but then I think, well, what the hell am I going to do when I graduate?

I don't want to have to move back home, but I don't want to be broke, so I'm going to have to get a big girl job so that I don't go broke, but maybe I could get a job and live at home, save money to get my own place away from home. But ugh, I don't want to be gone from home for two years, get comfortable living on my own and have to rely on my mom for shelter again, so I should get my own place, but what if I don't get a job to afford it?

What the hell? When did becoming a big girl get so complicated? Why can't it be as easy as sitting on a toilet and just going? Why can't there be Pull Ups there just in case? Because - Learning to use the toilet wasn't easy then, and heading into the real world isn't easy now.

On another note, in less than two weeks - holy crap, only two - I will be doing photography for a wedding. My first wedding. My first photography job where I'm actually getting paid a good chunk of change. After I met with them, I thought woo hoo! I'm so excited! This is just the kind of experience I need to put on a resume! Now it's more like, Oh my God, I've never shot a wedding before, what if I mess up? What if they don't like the photos?

It's absolutely terrifying growing up and actually getting big girl jobs, but you have to start somewhere, and you have to do it eventually.

I'm giving myself my final year of college to do some major growing up and learn to put my big girl panties on. Mommy isn't going to be there to listen to my accomplishment song and she certainly won't be there to pull them up for me. I have to be excited for myself, and if it helps, maybe I'll sing a song along the way.