The Desire to Love

About 2 years ago, I turned to my mother for advice on my love life.
She told me I have a good heart and a caring nature.
She said God wouldn't have made the desire in my heart to love another so strong without creating someone to share that love with.
And I believe it.
If I didn't have the strong desire, God would have made me differently.
And sometimes I feel like I care too much for people, more specifically boys and some past friends too, I will admit.
But it's not that I care too much.
It's just that others never cared enough.
I have the desire to love another because God put that passion in my heart.
He knows the great I can bring to someone who can appreciate it.
I want to be there for someone.
I want to be someone that someone else can turn to.
Because I know I am that person.
I know how to care for and love another.
I'm just waiting for God to tell me when it's my turn to show it.

I'm no narcissist but...

Is it just me, or do I get better looking the longer I'm single?
Just saying.
I look so good without you.
And I hope you miss me.
Because you lost a good thing.
You lost a great thing...
And I hope you're happy with her, I truly do.
But she'll never love you more than I did, and no one ever will.

Sometimes I feel like giving up....

But I know I can't because I'm not a quitter.
I know it's easy to want to give up on believing someone is out there is looking for me too because we haven't crossed paths yet.
And I know it's easy to want to give up hope.
And I mustn't because giving up means I have faced defeat.
And defeat means I'm failing myself.
I'd be telling myself that there is no one and I know there is.
How do I know? Because I have faith.
I've crossed paths with many guys that have all taught me a lesson about myself and what I'm looking for.
I know what I want and I'm waiting until I find someone who can fulfill everything on my perfect man list.
I'm not giving up.
Giving up means there is no hope, and there is no one.
But I know there is.
He's the one who won't give up either.

I Wish I Wrote This

Worth Fighting For

I don't want something that's just convenient, I want something that's worth fighting for...

It's easy to be in a relationship with someone who has time to see you.
It's easy to be in a relationship with someone who's cute and has a few similar interests.
It's easy to settle to with someone who likes you that you think is alright.
Because it's convenient.
Because it's easy.
And maybe it really does work out.
But maybe I don't want something convenient.
Maybe I don't want something that's easy.
I want something worth fighting for.
I want someone who wants to be with me as bad as I want to be with them.
I want someone who won't settle for mediocre.
I don't think I'm mediocre.
I think I'm worth fighting for.
I want someone who will fight for me.
I don't care if he lives miles away.
I don't care if I can't see him everyday.
I care that he's there for me emotionally and mentally as much as I am there for him.
Because I'm the kind of person who will be there for him.
I'm the kind of person who cares.
When I want something, I put my whole heart into it.
I am worth fighting for.
And I don't settle for less than I deserve.
I've done that, I'm over that.
I'm ready to fight for what I want.
Are you?

It's oh so quiet, shh...shh...shh

I like the quiet

I like being able to hear my own thoughts

I like being able to hear my heart beat

I like to hear the sound of my breath with every inhale, every exhale

I like to sit outside in the quiet

I like to hear the noises of nature surrounding me

Like the wind whistling through the trees

Or the occasional bird chirp

Or slight cracking of a branch as a squirrel pounces across

I stood outside in the still of night a couple nights ago

It was cold and the frost of winter started to numb my face

But I listened to the wind briefly 

It was quiet

I listened as the frozen rain on some everlasting leaves clinked together like hollow bones on a witch doctor's necklace

That's the only way to describe the sound

You rarely hear the sound of leaves covered in ice in the dead of a winter night
It was quiet and that's all that was heard
I like to sit in the quiet while taking a hot bath
The sound of the water lightly splashing with every small movement
The hollow sounds that echo off the bathroom walls
Or the small crackling noises of bubbles dissolving on top of the water
I like the quiet
Peaceful
Quiet
Shh...

I'm a Dreamer, Not a Schemer

School started and already I can't wait for it to be over

I sit in class all day not really paying attention to anything because most of my classes are second levels of something I've already taken, so it's all junk I've already heard

Sometimes I just start daydreaming

Of things I'd much rather be doing

Of places I'd rather be

Of the summer after I finally have my Bachelor's Degree... OK I just squealed a little...

Of Autumn when I finally don't live in IC anymore

Of finally living in the same town with the majority of my friends

But most of the time I daydream about him

Of how sweet he is

Of how frustrated it makes me I can't be near him

Of how funny he is

Alright, I daydream about him a lot

I daydream about how I hope it will work out when I move

If we're even still interested in each other when I do move

I haven't been this giddy in a long time and I really hope it works out

Can school just be over?

Can I just move right now?

Dreaming is all I have right now

Find Out for Yourself

I'll admit, I have judged people based on what other people have said about them.
I've judged a book by its cover.
Yeah, when I was young and stupid.
But if you're a college aged adult or older and still judging people by what other people say or judging someone by what the look like...aka not getting to know someone for yourself...
....It's time to grow up.
I'm always finding myself saying..."That's just what I heard...I'm not one to judge because I don't know them."
Seriously, I say that.
Even when a hint of me feels like gossiping about someone, I'm always taken back when I don't know the person.
And I'm saying this because I've done it, but I've also been a victim of it numerous times, and it's not fun.
It's hurtful.
And it really messes with your head.

Treat others with respect.
You know who you are.
Your best friends and family know who you are because they've gotten to know you.
They don't judge you.
They don't care what others say because they're the ones who know you.
Not him.
Not her.
Not the chick 3 doors down who you've spoken to twice.
Don't judge someone because of what you heard or because a first impression failed.
If you seriously need gossip in your life, though try not to use that as an excuse, find out about that person for yourself.
They may turn out to be someone you really get along with.

Is This Real Life?

Seriously.
I feel like I'm living on soap opera right now.
I'd go into detail about what is happening, but that's way too personal.
Even for this girl's blog.
But some of you know what is going on and are great support systems for me.
But seriously, am I dreaming right now?
Is this real life?

Do you think the animal world sees color?

When Things Don't Go Your Way

When you think about it, things never really go the way you want them to or expect them to.
You may get into the college you want, but the classes are harder than you expected.
...or your schedule screws up your graduation date.
You may find a job that fits your schedule and helps you pay bills but you can't stand the work and someone you work with hates your guts.
You get the only copy of a movie you want to see at a rental place but it's scratched up.
You find a cheap place to live but your new roommate drives you up a wall.
You're picked first for a team, but you end up losing the game.
You find your soul mate but they end up being taken by someone else.
You finally find a guy that likes you but then you're torn between him and another one.
You find the perfect recipe for your favorite dish but don't have any money for the ingredients.
You get offered your dream job but it's 20,000 miles away from nowhere.
You win the lottery but so many taxes are taken out that you only have enough money to pay your debts.
Someone tells you they're interested in you but suddenly falls off the face of the earth .

You get my point...
There are things in life that seem so wonderful the instant they happen, but then for whatever reason, how you wished it panned out, is suddenly diminished and you're left with an empty heart and a huge headache.
It's hard to get past the negative things that come in life, especially when you try so hard to try and make things go the way you want them to.
And I know it sucks.
You're left confused.
You're wondering how you could have changed the course.
You try to think of other ways to get what you want.
But sometimes, getting what you want really doesn't happen.
Sometimes you need to look at what you need and see if it's right in front of you nose.
Chances are it probably is, you just choose to be oblivious because it's not what you want.

If You Didn't Know...

This is just a little reminder that December has new blogs...I finally have all of my blogs for 25 Blogs to Christmas posted.
At last.
Yeah I only have 17, but I found it very difficult to write everyday.
And I found it very difficult to come up with things to write about.
You'd think being in journalism for 7 years I'd be better at stuff like that.
Yeah, nope.

Just Because It's Wednesday

Can I just have a guy who will show up randomly at my door with a bouquet of flowers?
Who says, "Put on a nice outfit, I'm taking you out."
And takes me on a romantic dinner date.
Followed by a movie on the couch.
Or a walk in the park.
Or on the docks by the lake under the stars.
Or even to a playground and swing on the swings for awhile.
Followed by laughs and great conversations.
And a goodnight kiss that leaves you breathless.
That makes you wish it didn't end.
Can I have that?
Just once.
Or twice.
Or a reoccurring yearly thing.
Can he just show up at my door unexpected and give me a fairy tale?
That would be wonderful.