Money Doesn't Fall From Trees

I'm the kind of person who is big on having a fun time with friends. I enjoy going out to dinner, I like going to movies, I like going shopping among other things.

I also like to take road trips with friends. One of which I had to miss out on a short while ago because I was broke. I literally had about 20 bucks to my name to last me another week. A weekend in the cities was just out of the question. I also already had to work that weekend and I couldn't afford miss out on those hours.

With being dead broke, I have no one to blame but myself. Last semester, I had a pretty vast amount of money in my account and it was the most money I have had at one time since I've had a job. Come Christmas time, I had a good amount for gifts, for my bills, and then some. I had planned on using my Christmas money and what I had saved from work on new camera.

That didn't happen. Within two and a half weeks, I had spent upwards of $300 on myself, spending it on clothes food, among other entertainment related things with friends. And really, very little went to anything else.

This semester I've had less hours between my two jobs and I've definitely seen the effects of that. All I've been able to afford is gas and my cell phone bill, which by the way I've paid late twice now.

I hate to be the stickler of being aware of the economy's downfall, but getting shorted hours and not watching what I spend my money on has taken its toll on me.

This semester I am so much more conscious on what I spend my money on and I have to be. I'm moving next semester and I'll be going to the University of Iowa so I need to definitely start watching my money now and try not to keep myself entertained through purchases.

As they say, money doesn't fall from trees.

Uninspired

I briefly recall two weeks where I found time to do my homework, wanted to finish what I had started and accomplished in receiving almost the full points for several assignments. I was eager to do well this semester, but now I feel like I'm not wanting to try.

Lately, I have no willingness to do homework even though it must be done. I put very little effort into the assignment I do work on. I have no inspiration to even write anything anymore, besides this I guess.

I start writing and my thoughts quit. That, or I'm just too lazy to continue to write and plop myself in front of the TV giving myself an excuse that I need to relax.

I'm uninspired and it's as simple as that.

Commercialized Expections

PLEASE READ WITH MUCH SARCASM IN MIND.


Here is the holiday I LOVE to complain about: Valentine's Day. Have I ever had a date/boyfriend on Valentine's Day? No. So, you're going to think: well that's the reason you're not a fan of this holiday. Well, you could say that, but I'll disagree with you.

I think the last time I celebrated this commercialized event was in elementary school when we brought boxes, cards and candy to give to our classmates. PS: I still have the heart shaped box I decorated myself from 5th grade.

It's not like I've never received anything for Valentine's Day, the gifts just weren't from boys. Every year I receive some sort of stuffed animal and a box of chocolates from my mother - Oh joy.

There have also been instances where my friends have given me gifts that were way unexpected and very appreciated.

Alex once came to my house with a bouquet of assorted flowers which totally made my day. Another time Jordan gave me some rather "risque" gifts. But for the most part, I just don't celebrate it.

First of all, it's not even a real holiday. Businesses aren't closed, mail is still delivered and people still go to school.

The only people who truly benefit from this holiday, are the workers of Hallmark, Russell Stovers, and FTD with the economic boost they get for being depicted as THE places to get gifts for celebrating Valentine's Day.

I'm single, but give me a break, Single Awareness Day? Really? Everyday is single awareness day for me. It's just more obvious to people on the day of. Like people really care anyway. It's not like they're thinking, "Oh, she doesn't have a date. Poor thing." Please...

Just because you're single, doesn't mean you have to sulk. Go out with friends. Buy them flowers if it matters that much to you. Hell, buy yourself that oversized teddy bear holding a heart...(yeah, I've done it, so what? It was 75% off and I collect teddy bears.)

If I happened to have a boyfriend, date, or whatever for Valentine's Day, cool, whatever. If he wants to celebrate, I'm going to want to go out and get gifts because I'm expecting him to treat me.

That's the thing, people have these expectations on this day that they're supposed to get flowers or they're supposed to go out to dinner. If my non-existent boyfriend can't take me out or doesn't want to, that's gonna piss me off.

In the movie Juwanna Mann, the chick says "I want a man that will send flowers to me, just because it’s Wednesday" and at the end of the movie, he does. It's the sweetest thing. That's what I want and I can't understand why any other girl wouldn't want that. I want someone who will buy me a gift just because it's Wednesday, or Tuesday, or the 4th of September or just because it's the third week of April.

If you really want to show affection through gifts, why wait for Valentine's Day? It's more special to give and receive when it's least expected; it's more rewarding and more memorable. So if in the future, I have somebody to celebrate it with, I'm not going to force anything on him. Just his company on every other days is what I want the most.

And don't get me wrong, I'm probably one of the most hopeless romantics out there. I cry every time I watch The Notebook and wish someone would come to my door and sing me a song like in A Lot Like Love, or hell, write me song to come stop me from marrying a douche bag in Vegas. (The Wedding Singer, my favorite movie ever.)

And I get chills every time at the climax in the song "Love Story" by Taylor Swift where the music picks up and she sings "...marry me Juliet, you never have to be alone..."

I'm just saying, it's commercialized and full of high hopes and expectations that sometimes get crushed. So, no thank you Cupid, I think I'll pass.

CrappyTV

So the other night I’m sitting at work after my shift and I’m waiting for my food order to be up.I sit in the bar, watch TV and I decide to flip to VH1.

The line up for the night consists of reruns of shows like Rock of Love 3, I Love Money 2, For the Love of Ray J etc.

It’s those typical shows with washed up celebrities looking for some form of extra money and further fame and drama induced nobodies wanting an extra 15 minutes in the lime light.

What happened to primetime TV? Otherwise, what happened to my music channels? MTV and VH1 barely run any form of show with music anymore. They show celebrity-dating…scratch that, celebrity hook up fests and “academies” to become a supposed “better person.”

It’s called MTV: Music Television. It’s not NSRTV: Network for Stupid Reality Television.I miss shows like Pop Up Video (on VH1), Say What? Karaoke, and now even TRL. TRL was the last running show on MTV that was actually music related and it was cancelled. I grew up on that show. Carson Daly was the man back then, some may disagree but he was cool then in my eyes.

But now it’s all “reality” or what producers want it to be.

The Real World pretty much launched reality TV in the 90’s. Don’t get me wrong, I find myself watching it from time to time but just because I have nothing else to watch.

Are we that bored with our own lives that we rely on the so-called “unscripted” lives of people we don’t even know, or really need to know for that matter, on a popular network?

But that’s exactly what it is. The drama of those shows exceeds (most of the time) the average person’s life. And sometimes, our lives are even more dramatic than what we see on TV. Sometimes I feel like my life could have its own show.

But my point is there are shows that are a waste of my time. I’m pretty sure life would be just fine without fake breasted girls vouching for a rock star’s “love” and I’d probably have more brain cells in the end.

Finding Happiness

Do what makes you happy. Sounds simple doesn't it? And why shouldn't you do what makes you happy? Why would you want to do something that doesn't make you happy?

But what if you don't know what makes you happy? What if it's impossible to be happy? Is happiness an emotion or a state of mind? Can people simply choose to be happy without any effort or is it something you have to achieve?

I love those moments that make you smile for no reason but then, out of the blue, you can't remember how to capture that feeling again.

There are things that make me happy. But in perspective, I'm not a happy person. I think I rely on others too much to make me happy. I need to learn how to be happy for me. I can't allow other people to be the backbone or foundation of my happiness. If I'm going to get out of this RUT, I need to learn how to be happy without the assistance of people and things.

I can't buy happiness and I can't look to others for it. I need to learn how to deal with my emotions and learn to assess why I feel the way I feel. I feel like I'm empathetic towards others, yet I have trouble understanding my own emotions. I understand things, but I don't know why I feel down sometimes and I don't know how to fix that. I don't know how to make myself happy. When I can do that, I will my find my true happiness.

First Loves

Keep in mind a quote from the movie How to Deal, starring Mandy Moore: "First loves are never really over. Nobody's perfect, sweetheart. But that doesn't mean it wasn't worth your while."
Seeing this movie at the time, I didn't understand what that meant only until recently.

You'll always have your first love in the back of your mind. You'll always remember those wonderful moments you had together. You'll always remember the first time you held hands and those butterflies you felt when it happened. You'll remember how awkward your first kiss with them was but how completely worth it was after it happened.

You remember the first time you had dinner with their family and how nervous you were to make a good impression, even though you've been around them before. You remember meeting their grandparents...they always seemed to say something sort of offensive without realizing it, but that's just grandparents for you.

You'll always remember the TV shows you watched and the nights you spent together watching them. You'll always remember watching really stupid movies just because you were bored. You remember helping each other with homework and lazy days just sitting on the couch.

You'll remember those conversations that were awkward and hard, but you talked things through because you cared enough to make things work. You'll remember the times you tried hinting at them about that one thing you wanted to say but chickened out...or those scary moments where you thought you were going to lose them forever but you find out they didn't want to lose you either.

You remember the times you weren't always happy with them but somehow you forget about those times because maybe you still care. Maybe you still have feelings for them. Maybe first loves are never really over.

"Typical College Student"

So the other day I'm sitting at Jitters doing homework with my usual turtle mocha in hand. The whip cream wasn't melting so I decided to stir it up with my fingers. Some lady sitting near by chuckled and mimicked me. I smiled to humor her. Some man met her there and sat with her (I'm guessing it was her husband.) They were an older couple, they were probably old enough to be my grandparents if my parents would have had me at least 7 years earlier.

As I sit and do my homework, they have their own conversation. I'm still doing my homework as they leave. The lady who had mimicked me stirring my mocha came up to me and said in an ironic way,
"Typical college student with your coffee, you remind me of my granddaughter, she does the same thing."
Meaning she sits and does homework at a coffee place, I'm only guessing.
I replied with a smile, "Well this is a good place to come and do homework," just to humor her again. She smiled, followed her husband, and left. As I sat there I thought about what she had called me.

"A typical college student." The only reason she had known I was a college student was because I had my College Algebra book with me so she was just assuming.

Anyway...typical college student? What the hell does that mean? If she means "typical" as:
a girl who really hasn't found a purpose in life yet, who struggles with how she's going to afford to live in Iowa City next year, procrastinates on homework, sings and dances in front of the mirror when no one is home, enjoys listening to almost every kind of music, blogs about her feelings, enjoys going to coffee joints with her friends, eats cookies on a daily basis, ponders how giraffes survive a 6 foot drop when they're born, has an odd fascination with Jack the Ripper, is deathly afraid of semis, and uses facebook for hours on end...the YES! I am a typical college student.

But is there such thing? When I think of a typical college student, the 90's are a big part of my visual aid. Shows like Dawson's Creek, Undressed, Popular and movies like She's All That pop into my head. More so Undressed. Yeah I used to watch that show when I was younger. It made me feel like a rebel when my parents weren't around.

College students were depicted as horny 24/7 and did nothing but have sex. Did they ever show them attending class? Maybe leaving class to get ready for a party or "the big date" that usually always led to the bedroom.
Typical college student defined as: "You're hot, let's go do it in my dorm."

I also have this mental image (don't ask me why, I just do), of people dressed in all black with berets, attending poetry readings, drinking black coffee, and wearing 80's blues brothers sun glasses.

But there are all sorts of college students, like the sort of college students surrounding me as I write this. So...we're sitting at Java Joe's in Des Moines talking about random things that have no connection whatsoever...Like bongs and banana men, while taking obscure photos of eating cupcakes. Ahhh...the life of a journalism major.

There is also your typical journalism student. Not.
Take a look at the staff of the NIACC Logos. None of us are typical. Derek sits and laughs at his DS while Kevin and Kristy talk about the DM music scene. Misty sits with her iPod Touch exploring the Internet as I sit here writing down what is happening around me and interject with the conversation between Kristy and Kevin. Other people at the journalism convention we're down here for were different in their ways too. There were people who were primped and proper looking, while I noticed one guy with gauges, Weezer-esque glasses and shaggy hair that was rather attractive.

So now that I think about it, should I be offended that this woman at Jitters called me a typical college student? Is she that ignorant or was she just recognizing the fact that I am in college and I was simply doing my homework at a coffee joint? Whatever she meant by that comment, it gave me an excuse to contemplate.

No one is the same. Everyone in college and everywhere else is different and unique to who and what they are. No one is typical.

Wake Up *Revised*

I cannot fathom the fact that someone can forgive an act of infidelity. How can one have the thought process of negativity = untrustworthy = undeserving of forgiveness, yet somehow they're forgiven. Why would you want to continue a friendship or relationship with someone who screwed you over more than once? Why would you even think they deserve a third or fourth chance?
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Sometimes the thought of starting anew sticks in your head. Sometimes the thought of "maybe they have changed" conquers your knowledge of why this person is unforgivable. Sometimes that person is stuck in your head without permission and you have no way of getting them out.

There will always be that one person who has changed your life in dramatic ways that it's impossible to forget them. They came into your life and turned your whole world around. In your mind, everything is perfect because you can't help but to think about how much better everything became when they walked in your front door.

You constantly think about how much you care about them. Those moments of bliss repeat over and over in your mind and they erase all the bad you know about them. You become heartbroken because you know things are different from the beginning. Then you forget about the pain because you want to believe the person from the beginning is still there.

You know why things ended, you understand that they are bad for you. He is bad for me. I don't deserve to be treated that way because I deserve better. You don't deserve me.

Stop remembering why you were happy with them and remember all the bad things. The bad conquers over the good. Remember why things ended. Something bad happened...really, really BAD. Wake up, and move on.

(Addition)
I've come to realize that no matter how hard you try, the person that you know is bad for you cannot be deleted from your mind. It's all because you simply can't help it. You simply can't help but to have that person in your mind and in your heart for reasons unknown. There is obviously something your heart knows about this person that makes them remain a part of your life. Things like that just can't be fathomed. Sometimes you just need to let things be the way they are without an explain of why they happen, and just let them happen.

Smile and Say, "Cheese!"

Take into consideration I wrote this a while ago...and brace yourself, it's kind of out there.



This morning I woke up and started day dreaming about cheese.

Not just any cheese, it was white. I'm not sure if it was Swiss or American.

It was a block of cheese that peeled back. I went to peel a piece of cheese off, but the corners of the next piece came off with it.

I had a hard time peeling the excess cheese off, but somehow I managed to get it off.

And then I ate the cheese. It was quite good.

But the things is, I don't even like sliced cheese alone.