Last Page (#17)

I wrote on my last page of "I'm with the Band" today.
Yeah I know, it's been like two years since I've called my notebook that.
And it's been a long time since I've written in it.
It sucks not having time to write.
I'm just so relaxed when I actually sit down and physically write something.
It gives me so much more release than typing my thoughts on a computer.
(This entry was written down first BTW)
I miss writing as much as I used to.
I miss a lot of things that happen around the time I received the notebook from one of my best friends.
It was a better time then.
I actually had a life.
But things change and we adjust.
And we start a new chapter in our lives.
Or in my case, a new notebook.

I Love to Bake (#16)

I bake when I'm bored
Especially when I don't have school or work
One summer I made...
Six batches of cookies
Two pans of brownies
A pan of cookie brownie
A pan of lemon bars
A cake
A cheesecake that turned out really terrible
And an Oreo cream pie
...within two and half months
And I usually make a batch of cookies at least once a month
Not really lately though because school has taken over my life
But I made puppy chow
A batch of cookies
And coconut and chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and sprinkles
Just in this past week
I'm surprised I don't weigh 300 pounds

Antique Room (#15)

I recently bought two old cameras.
They're from the nineteen teens.
I've decided I'm going to start collecting antiques.
One day I dream to have my own home
...and in it I'll have a special room
...that will look like a different era
...because it will be filled with antiques
And in that room I'll have...
A chair
A desk
A notebook
A pen
And a record player
It will be my room to write and read and listen to music
I'll have a wall of my photography
And I'll go there to relax
It will be perfect

In a Perfect World.... (#14)

Everyone would believe in love being able to conquer the world
People wouldn't fight
People would respect their elders
...and children since they are the future
Time would heal all wounds
People would break up with their significant others only if they cheated or were simply a bad person
Couples wouldn't get married if they had doubt it wouldn't work, which would eliminate divorces
Alcohol wouldn't cause hangovers
...or cause health problems
Tanning wouldn't cause skin cancer
Cancer doesn't exist
And terminal disease don't either
Auto-tune doesn't exist and only people who can actually sing are famous
John Cusack is my age, is as romantic as he is in his movies and wants to marry me
People wouldn't touch the glass on doors and would use handles, leaving less cleaning for workers
Girls wouldn't wear cakey make-up or over tan
...or be bitches
Guys would approach me to get to know me, and not expect to take me home
Bad food doesn't exit
...and doesn't cost a fortune
No one suffers from hunger
...or homelessness
Athletes and celebrities aren't overpaid
I could afford school without loans
More people would publicly follow my blog
Losing ten pounds in two weeks is easy and I can keep it off
I am on Glee and/or am recognized publicly for singing
I am recognized for my photography
I could afford my dream wardrobe
...and house
....with all the furnishings
I could meet Freddie Mercury and Elvis
I could see my friends whenever I want
I marry my soul mate
BFF's really are forever
You'd just tell me sorry
Love DOES conquer the world

Don't Be Sorry (#13)

Saying sorry and being sorry are completely different things.
You can say you're sorry to someone for something you did wrong or hurtful.
You can think you really are sorry.
But most of the time you say sorry just so you feel better about yourself and to keep yourself out of any further trouble.
But saying sorry and being sorry are different.
Being sorry mean you won't mess up with the same mistake again.
Being sorry means never having to be sorry for the same thing ever again.
Never again.
Forgiveness should only happen once if you mess up a first time.
If the person you betray forgives you multiple times, they either really trust you, or they're foolish to forgive you.
Don't ruin your chances if you ever have someone to forgive you.
Don't hurt them again.
Don't make them go through hell again.
They obviously care about you.
So don't just say sorry.
Prove it.
Act upon it.
Make them know you are.

My Heart is Now Goo (#12)

Update (#11)

So I've discovered that taking the time to sit down in front of my computer to write a complete blog takes a lot of patience.
Especially writing one everyday.
This whole 25 blogs to Christmas thing is hard!
But I do have four in the works...
Which gives me 14 and I have five days til Christmas...
Where the heck did the time go?
I've been working on editing wedding photos therefore I've had no life this past week, but those are done now and I'll be updating the logues tomorrow!
Now I'm off to make puppy chow.

Failing at Life (#10)

For me, not doing my best is something that bothers me, but sometimes I just don't feel like trying.
In school, I've been able to get away with doing a mediocre job on assignments and somehow receiving at least a B.
I've been able to do that for a long time.
Maybe it's just me thinking I didn't put a lot of thought into something and not giving myself enough credit.
...But I procrastinate and I truly believe I could have done better.
And when I don't ry, I still think I'll be able to pull off a good grade, because I usually do.
But that's with things I am very knowledgeable on.
It doesn't always work like that.
Especially recently.
I failed a class.
For the first time ever.
I cried. Oh yeah, I cried.
Media Law and Communication.
I have to retake it next semester because it's required for my major.
So I'll probably do better than I did this semester, but still.
I failed.
Failing a class is like the worst thing in the world to me.
If I think about, it's not that big of a deal since I get a chance to take it again, but still.
I failed!!
It wasn't an easy class, I'm not sure why I thought I could turn my grade around like I have in past classes.
Ugh, I feel like I'm failing at life.

67 (Cheap) Date Ideas I Didn't Come Up With (#9)

Italicized are the ones I've done and would do again, Bolded  are the ones I've never done and would really like to do (with a boy).


1. Browse the local farmers’ market.
2. Go on a picnic. All you need is a blanket, fruit, sausage, cheese, crackers and water.
3. Fly a kite.
4. Enjoy a romantic home-cooked meal.
5. Cook dinner together.
6. Go apple picking.
7. Give a massage.
8. Go to the beach.
9. Attend an open-air festival.
10. See an art-house movie matinee.
11. Build a snowman.
12. Have a barbecue.
13. Share a sundae.
14. Attend an art gallery.
15. Take a hike.
16. Go to a book signing.
17. Go for a bike ride.
18. Play miniature golf.
19. Attend a wine tasting.
20. Go fishing.
21. Go sledding (with a thermos of hot cider or cocoa).
22. Visit the zoo.
23. Rent a movie.
24. Pick up movie at your local library.
25. Drive go-carts.
26. Go window-shopping.
27. Invite friends over for board games.
28. Do a Google search for free things to do in your city.
29. Eat out with a gift certificate from Restaurant.com.
30. Drive through the country (especially good around Fall).
31. Play at a playground (swings and teeter-totters are fun!)
32. Attend a planetarium show.
33. Browse antique shops.
34. Go to an open mic night at a coffee shop or bookstore.
35. Volunteer at a favorite charity.
36. Attend a high school sporting event.
37. Watch Shakespeare in the Park.
38. Have an indoor picnic.
39. Star gaze (Orion is an easy constellation to spot).
40. Take a pottery class together.
41. Go bowling.
42. Play pool.
43. Go to the local community pool.
44. Feed the ducks at a local pond.
45. Go ice skating.
46. Go roller skating.
47. Play laser tag.
48. Play frisbee.
49. Go kayaking or canoeing.
50. Skip rocks at a lake.
51. Watch a meteor shower.
52. Attend a local high school, community college or university play or musical.
53. Go camping.
54. Play basketball together.
55. Visit a botanical garden.
56. Go spelunking (but be careful!)
57. Get a cup of coffee together (hopefully at a spot that offers free refills).
58. Take a factory tour. Breweries that offer free samples are especially fun.
59. Take dance lessons at a local community center.
60. Visit local historic landmarks.
61. Put together a puzzle.
62. Carve pumpkins (around Halloween).
63. Go strawberry picking.
64. Attend a flea market or swapmeet.
65. Check out yard sales.
66. Assemble a model airplane then fly it in a park.
67. Go out for brunch (cheaper than dinner).


Source

Cheating Again...How to be Alone (#8)

Black Friday (#7)

This is a first person article I wrote for my news writing class.

‘Tis the season to be jolly and leave your kids in the car while you go shopping for nine hours.

Black Friday, to me, has always been an image of some sort of a nightmare. Kids locked in cars, people trampled while running through sliding, glass doors, mothers pulling each other’s hair, fighting over who gets the last Buzz Lightyear action figure and customers cutting in line so they can get to the next good deal at Costco.

I had always refused – and when I say refused, I mean you could not drag me from my house if you paid me $100 – refused, refused, refused to go anywhere on Black Friday. My friends would try to convince me with “But they have the best deals!” or “Everything is so cheap, you have to see it to believe it!”

I said no. No way. Not ever. I’ve watched the news. I’ve heard the horror stories. People die on Black Friday, I was not, and would not ever be ready to try to live through the madness of Black Friday.

I was perfectly fine with stuffing my face with leftovers from Thanksgiving Day of cold, turkey sandwiches and rehydrated stuffing, while watching a marathon of the Real World on MTV.

The only exception I’ve made for Black Friday was in 2007. One of my best friends, who was in town from New York, dragged me by my feet to K-Mart around 4 p.m. It was after the rush, and it was K-Mart, no one shops at K-Mart, so there was no harm done to my body.

That was the only exception I thought I would ever make to go shopping on Black Friday, until this year.

For Thanksgiving break, I drove to my mediocre hometown of Mason City, IA on Sunday the 21^st. I was more than ready for this break from school, but more importantly, I was excited that I got to work at Prime ‘N Wine on Thanksgiving Day. Other than working, I had prepared myself for absolute laziness.

I took home with me my leopard print Snuggie, my printed sheep slippers, and my bag of Hershey Kisses with mint inside. I was ready to do absolutely nothing but cuddled up in front of my television and order movies OnDemand all week. But then I thought, what the heck am I going to write about for my final story for my narrative news writing class? And that’s when it came to me.

I’m going to shop on Black Friday, I thought to myself. After all, I had never done any serious shopping the day after Thanksgiving, and I wanted a new perspective on my addiction to spending money on myself…and others.

I had already spent upwards of $400 on new clothes less than a month before with my loan money for school, so I deemed it necessary to spend my hard-earned money from my jobs at Telefund and Panera on some sweet deals on Black Friday. It was a reward for myself, of course.

But then I thought, no. I won’t buy anything. I’ll just observe. Don’t get involved with Black Friday, it’s not your friend, remember – people die on this day. But what would a real Black Friday be without shopping? The devil and angel on my shoulders argued for a while then I finally decided I would just buy one thing.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I stopped at Younker’s to observe the preparation for the next shopping day. There were so many items stocked to the brim. Scarves were practically falling off the racks, displays of mittens and stocking caps lined the aisle of jewelry that was neatly hung, and sweaters and coats were packed on their racks until they almost fell off.

Did they expect to sell that many items? I knew it was for Black Friday, but seriously, Mason City has a population of less than 30,000 people, most of which are elderly or 8 years old, and not everyone shops on Black Friday – a lot are like me.

Since I was at Younkers, I did look for things that I might buy on the day of death, and kept a certain Calvin Kline down coat in mind, originally 200 dollars. If I were to buy anything, it was going to be that. I also went to Wal-Mart on Wednesday – it didn’t look any different from how it usually was.

I decided I was going to go to Wal-Mart at midnight on Black Friday to see what the big deal was about. I took a nap after I visited with family on Thanksgiving, preparing myself for the early morning festivities.

Wal-Mart was packed.

After the stampede of crazy mothers and focused fathers, the check out lines immediately filled. As I stood in the back of the lines in observation, one woman said, “These lines aren’t even that bad.”

Not that bad? There are 24 lines and all of them had at least 10 people waiting in line – only 30 minutes after midnight. They were the longest lines I’d ever seen.

Most parents had either a cart full of toys or a stack of DVD’s in hand, as they were going for $5 apiece. One father had a child sized motorized jeep, ATV and motorcycle stacked on top of each other in one cart. Was he preparing his kid for the X-Games or something? As for the DVD’s, I think 18 was plenty for one mother in particular.

The clothing sections of the stores were less messy than I expected – a sole coat lay on the floor. Dolls and action figure were missing, but none really scattered about.

The one thing that bothered me the most was the stack of Woody and Buzz Lightyear dolls. One Buzz was gone. That’s it – one. When I was younger, there were none left the next day – I would know, because I wanted one for Christmas, but when I went to Wal-Mart, they were gone.

Not even the Easy-Bake ovens had been touched. I was contemplating buying one for myself since I had sold my old one in a garage sale years ago. I felt bad for them.

I got bored people watching, so I left to go take another nap before heading to Best Buy. As I left, the only two police officers stared me down as I had nothing in hand; after the alarm didn’t go off, I had feared they would come after me. So much for high security.

As I drove home, I passed Best Buy and Target – 1:15 and people were already in line for the openings at 4 a.m. When I had returned to Best Buy, I was hesitant to stand in line because I knew I wasn’t going to buy anything, and they were handing out vouchers to people in line.

Some people even sold their vouchers for cash – how crazy is that?

Lupe Puga, Iowa City resident who worked at Best Buy on Black Friday, said Best Buy is more organized than Wal-Mart or Target because of their voucher system.

“By having the ticket system, it eliminates people fighting because by the time [people] are in line outside they already know if they will be able to get what they were looking for,” she said. “The only problem they face walking into the store is the line they have to wait in while we ring them out.”

Because of the voucher system, I left Best Buy and went home to go back to bed. What a disappointment, I thought. Black Friday was not living up to the reputation I thought it had.

Later in the day, I went to Younkers and bought that Calvin Kline coat for $74.28, what a great deal. Younkers was busy, lines were long, and everything was cheap. The floors were a little messy with scarves and hats, but in all, it too, was a disappointment.

The lack-luster of a day Black Friday had been for me could have been due to the 20 percent increase in online sales, according to a survey conducted by the National Retail Federation. With more deals online, Black Friday may just turn into Sunshine Yellow Friday.

Black Friday was surely not what I had expected. No one was trampled on, no kids were left in cars, no one even died.

Overflowing with Glee (#6)

Tonight, the Christmas special of Glee premiered.
And because I'm such a sap, it kept reminding me of how I'm probably going to be alone on Christmas.
No one should be alone on Christmas...yadda blah blah blah.
So, it made me a little down, but at the end, my heart was overflowing with emotions.

You know when you feel so happy, that it almost hurts?
That you're not sure if you should laugh or cry, or you just don't know what you should be feeling?
Well, that happened to me tonight.
My heart was so full of joy because of what happened in the episode, that I cried.
I think that is what is supposed to happen when you're so happy.
Your heart can't handle it, so the emotions spill into your eyes and you cry.

*Spoiler alert*

They based Glee off of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Sue steals presents, but returns them in the end, and an unexplained miracle happens to Artie. A device that allows him to walk appears at Brittany's house.
Though only a TV show, that happiness that doesn't fit in my heart, poured from my eyes because it was so  beautiful to see that Artie could walk - just what Brittany asked Santa for for Christmas.
So, I'm going to be alone of Christmas, so what? Tonight's episode of Glee was just a reminder to all of us that we're not alone. There are people who care about our well-being, and Christmas is truly a great time for the impossible to become a miracle.

I Hate You So Much Right Now (#5)

I've just been holding this anger in me for sometime, and the chorus of this song is a great release. Sometimes I just want to scream it at the top of my lungs because I hate lies.
I hate betrayal.
I hate hidden agendas.
I hate getting hurt.
And I hate you so much right now.

I Need to Catch Up, So I'm Cheating (#4)

I didn't write this, but I think everyone should read it. It'll make you feel better about your life if you're down.
Bolded are the ones I love the most - but read all of them!


1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. 

‎5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry. 

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it. 

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

‎16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. 

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. 

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. 

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. 

24. The most important sex organ is the brain. 

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. 

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?' 

27. Always choose life. 

28. Forgive everyone for everything. 

29. What other people think of you is none of your business. 

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 

33. Believe in miracles. 

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. 

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. 

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. 

37. Your children get only one childhood. 

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. 

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 

42. The best is yet to come... 

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 

44. Yield. 

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift

The Power of Music (#3)

"Music washes away from the soul, the dust of everyday life." - Berthold Auerbach
That quote says so many things, without hardly saying anything.
It says music heals.
Music cleanses.
Music just makes life better.
When I'm having a bad day, a song can ignite happiness in my heart.
But it also has the effect of making the floods coming rushing from my eyes, especially when I've been heartbroken.
But it heals.
It can close wounds that have torn open repeatedly.
It can make me feel whole again.
It can even turn a misbehaving child into in an angel.
Like what Bob Marley can do.
Or what Florence and the Machine can do.
Those two videos spread smiles across my face every time I watch them. (Although I dislike the "take that Jesus" comment in Baby Bob Marley/)
How to calm a crying child? Play it music!
Children, teenagers and adults alike know the power of music.
I was raised in the boy band era and every time the Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC came on TRL, there would be girls crying and fainting.
Girls would talk about how the songs changed their lives or how they were able to conquer some sort of barrier because they heard "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely."
It sounds silly, but that's the power of music.
It moves people.
It makes people cry.
It makes people happy.
It overwhelms emotions.
It overwhelms the senses to make you feel good.

Music just makes me feel good.

And I don't know what I'd do without it.

Listen to these, these make me happy:
"Free Fallin'" John Mayer
"Time to Pretend" MGMT
"Dog Days are Over" Florence and the Machine
"Put Your Records On" Corrine Bailey Rae
"Love Shack" B-52's
"Don't Stop Believin (Regionals Version)" Glee Cast
"Feelin' Good" Michael Bublé version

"Short Skirt, Long Jacket" Cake

"Grace Kelly" Mika

"Swim" Jack's Mannequin
And to quote "Swim" to wrap this up

..."Swim for the music that saves you when you're not so sure you'll survive."

Love Song for No One (#2)

*I didn't mean to steal the title of a JM song, it just happened*

Lock me up inside in your heart

That's where I'll feel safe from harm

Trust me when I draw you near

You, too, will be safe right here

Someone out there is writing a song about us

With lyrics that other people can discuss

Perfect lyrics showcasing our love

A love that others are jealous of

Don't be afraid of me hurting your feelings

Because I'm a person who's used to healing

Healing broken hearts of yours and mine

We could be great if you gave it time

Someone's playing melodies on a guitar

While puffing away on a Cuban cigar

Breathing it in and singing a song

Singing about us can't be wrong

Let's runaway where we can be alone

We can reap all of what's been sewn

We're safe in each others arms

Listening to the love song for no one

...But us

25 Blogs to Christmas (#1)

I'm going to be writing 25 blogs by the time Christmas is here.
I got this idea from Nessa K on her YouTube.
I absolutely LOVE her videos and she is also a fantastic photographer.
I'm a little jealous of her.
A lot jealous of her.
I love her style, and I love how quirky she is - check her out, she's great!
Anyway, this is my first post to 25 Days Blogs to Christmas.
Not sure what the rest of them will be about, but we'll see where this goes.
Happy Holidays!

My List

I haven't really made a legit "What I'm thankful for.." list in probably more than 10 years, and for good reason.
I never really wanted to write one because well, to say the least they are pretty cliche, and I didn't want to write one because it would have been forced.
I didn't want to write one because I felt like I had to, and it's not that I've never been thankful for the things that I have in my life, I just never wanted to take the time to make a list, because like I said it would have been cliche and forced and I don't like writing forced thoughts.

But this year I feel the need to write a list of things about what I'm thankful for because this year I've gone through a lot of changes and I've crashed through a lot of walls and I'm thankful that I'm able to keep my stride. So here it is, my list.

I'm thankful for my family.
Sure, there are things both my parents do to drive me up a wall, and sometimes I want to scream at my sister, but it's my family and it's the only one I have. My parents are divorced and sometimes it's still hard to comprehend, but as long as they're both around, I will still love them, flaws and all. They'll always be there to listen to me when I cry, when I need to get my car fixed, and when I just need a long, overdue hug.

I'm thankful for my friends.
I would not be who I am without them. I would not be as strong as I am without them. I would not be sane without them, even though some of them make me go crazy once in a while. I have the friends who will listen to me complain about anything and everything - thanks for tolerating it guys, or at least pretending to. ;-)

I'm thankful for my past relationships.
You truly have made me who I am today - stronger, careful, and even more eager to find someone who will truly care for me the way I care for them. But they've also given me the chance to show others a love and caring nature I always knew I could show to others, but never knew I could receive in return. You've given me hope that after each one, a new one comes along, and there are others that will come around again.

I'm thankful for my talents.
My ability to write poetically, in a journalistic manner, and creatively has given me the hope there is something I'm good at when I thought there was nothing. My eye for photography and my ability to keep learning to become better and being able to expand it into my journalism career. My voice which brought me to meet some of my best friends, and winning me a free trip to Las Vegas, and I'll keep on singing.

I'm thankful for being strong in my Faith.
Part of this is due to the way I was raised, but being able to continue to be strong away from home is what I'm most proud of. Being able to fight temptations, especially when they're so easy to falter to in IC. My faith has has given me the ability to care for others and be understanding of others. To be able to say no when I know something is wrong. To be able to believe everything happens for a reason, because I do and will always believe that, no matter what. 


And I'm thankful that I have grown to be a strong person, even when I felt like my world was crumbling beneath my feet. I'm thankful for being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and having the ability to chase after it.

So, You're Feeling Lonely?

So, you're feeling lonely?
Well, you're not alone, because I am too.
We're all a little lonely at some points in our lives.
It hurts the worse when the ones you love dismiss you.
But not everyone does.
Hey, you have friends!
Friends that love you.
And on your lowest lows.
The lows that make you feel like you're drowning in a never swirling sea.
You still have people as your search and rescue team to pull you out.
I am lonely, trust me, I feel the hurt everyday.
The rejection of past loves haunts me even when I comb my hair.
And I wonder if there was anything I could do to make it okay again.
I could try, but I don't think I'd be happy.
You can't be with someone who won't be what you want and you can't change them.
Surround yourself with the people who make you happy with who you are.

So, you're feeling lonely?
You can change that today!
Find yourselves in the arms of someone who cares.
And hold on tight to your friends.
Because you're not alone, I'm here, and so is everyone else.

Nearly Fatal Experience

When one goes from living in a town with not many pedestrians wandering about, to one where they are an always constant, driving habits must change.

I'll admit, when I first moved to where I live now, I always stopped on the crosswalk because I forgot that people are always walking.

But quickly enough, I started conforming to the rules of the road.

When driving, you must always be conscious of people walking - whether they're a apparent or not, they'll probably appear out of nowhere anyway.

When turning a corner, you have to yield to pedestrians walking across the street - they have the right of way.

The other day I was walking to class, like I do everyday. I'll admit, I start walking before the white light man appears, but that's because I know there is no one coming and in seconds I'll have the right of way to walk across the street. 

Well, apparently not on that day.

Driving over 35 mph in downtown IC, is just something you should not do because there are always people around. 

Like me. 

Walking across the street.

And turning the corner at fast speeds when there are ALWAYS people walking across the street is foolish and irresponsible.

I was not the only one crossing the street at this nearly fatal experience, but I was the only person is the direct pathway of this idiotic driver.

Before he realized what he had done, I was already on the way to avoiding getting hit. Yet, some stupid girl behind me wasn't aware of what was happening, and prevented me from getting out of the way of the car.

If that guy driving the car had not seen me, I would have gotten run over because I was blocked from moving to a safer destination.

My heart has never beat like that before.

My head has never spun so many times.

So please drivers, remember - you're not the only ones on the road.

I Write for Everyone

I don't write for anyone
But I write for everyone
I write for myself for release
I write for you to read and maybe
Just maybe
You'll understand me a little more
I write for you because you
You are just like me
You can relate to what I have to say
And sometimes I want to help you
If you can read what I say and know how I feel
Maybe we can help each other
Maybe we can help each other to be happy
Maybe we can help each other know...
Everything happens for a reason
And with the help from others
Happiness does happen in the end

I Wasn't

You'll always be the one I want when I'm feeling the most alone
Wishing you'd come back to me just to see what you've done
You've released me from the worry and pain that you caused
Of never knowing when the next time you'd be gone
And as much as I know that I am better off with you away
It's easier to picture my life if you would have stayed
But I would still have the worry of never knowing if I was enough
And apparently I wasn't

You'll continue on in your life of never being satisfied
Because as many times as you felt I was the best thing for you
I wasn't

I keep waiting for the day when you have decided to come back again
Realizing that I was the only person to make you happy
But apparently I wasn't

3 o'clock

It's 3 o' clock in the morning and a weird feeling is keeping me awake
At first I thought it was because I was hot, so I got out of bed to turn the air on
Not that
Then I thought my face was feeling claustrophobic because I never took off my make-up, so I washed my face
Not that
Then I thought I just needed to occupy my mind with the computer or something
That hasn't been really helping either because now I'm all flustered
Maybe I should write
That usually helps
So here I am
It's 3 o'clock in the morning and a weird feeling is keeping me awake
Maybe I should listen to my iPod
Maybe I should sync it, I haven't done that in awhile
Not really anything new though
I did get some gift cards from Thomas for my birthday though, so what should I buy?
A movie? Should I buy a movie?
But it's gotta be good
Something worth $10 that I don't mind watching on a tiny screen
Beetlejuice? It was one of my favorites and I don't own it
Penny Dreadful? Man, that is a great scary movie
Oh my God, I'm downloading Rocky Horror
It's 3 o'clock in the morning and I'm restless
I need to be up at 7:40 a.m. to be ready for class
I'm going to watching the Time Warp
Hopefully that'll make me feel better

I'm Okay

Sometimes my hands grip the edges of my bed sheets

I can't stand to feel the emptiness on my left

I usually sleep in the middle of my bed because that's what I'm used to 

But sometimes...

Sometimes I find myself rolling over to the right to make room for no one

That's when I can feel the emptiness next to me

The space that you used to fill when you visited

But those days are over and will never be again

But even though sometimes the emptiness spills into my heart...

I'm okay

And I don't cry anymore

I can't even force myself to cry

I don't even cry when I hear Slowing Dancing

I just feel loss

I feel discomfort

I feel rejection

But I don't feel sad

I don't feel sad because I know I'm better off without you

And it's taken me this long to realize it

But I'm okay

Untitled

I'm in love with love and I fall for men who aren't available.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Geographically.
And sometimes I feel like just giving up trying.
But I still have hope that I'll find someone who is available to me.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Geographically.
Mentally, I suppose that should be included too.
And although I'm in love with love, it gives me hope someone loves being in love as much as I do and therefore can love me too.
Because I still have hope and I won't ever give that up.

Bristol Palin is Not a Star

So, last season of Dancing with the Stars, Nicole Scherzinger won and it was kind of annoying. Duh a professional dancer is going to win a dancing competition, it would be shameful if she didn't win. Although, it would be nice to see celebrities that don't normally dance be on the show - like it was in the beginning. But this season there is something bothering me again.

Now, I want to point out in the previous paragraph the word celebrity. Star is another word for a celebrity, a.k.a. someone who has a job in the entertainment field.

And Bristol Palin is not a star.

I'll give it to Wikipedia for discrediting my opinion when it defines celebrity as "a person who is famously recognized in a society or culture." Yeah she is recognized because she's the daughter who got knocked up by her boyfriend and her mom just happens to be Sarah Palin, but again - Sarah Palin is not a star either.

Star - see also Actor, Movie star (from Wiki) So here we go. The lead indicating the most important performer or role. (Wordnet).

One - the Palins, neither one of them have a leading role in anything.
Two- Sarah is a media attention hog who wishes she were a celebrity and Bristol is just along for the ride.
Done.

Bristol Palin is not a star and she I don't think she'll win DWTS because although she's gotta pretty face, she's not that great of a performer and doesn't earn the right to be on the show.

New Blog!

Alright everyone, it's here! My first post from my new blog is up! So go check it out!

http://nuisancesinthenews.blogspot.com/2010/09/photoshop-isnt-that-hard-to-use.html

The Love of Melinda and Jim

I try to watch Ghost Whisperer every time it's on. Every network, every re-run. I know it sounds silly that I watch re-run after re-run, but I just really love the show. As I'm typing this, it's on TV. PS - I'm really upset that it got cancelled on CBS.

The thing I love most about the show is the relationship between the main character Melinda Gordon, and her husband Jim Clancy - they explained why she kept her maiden name in one episode but I forgot why.

With every episode, it makes me wonder why Jennifer Love Hewitt and David Conrad aren't together in real life because their chemistry is so believable. In the early episodes, it's clear they're in love because they're newly weds and they kiss in every episode, they're always saying cute things to each other, and they're just happy being around each other.

He was the only companion that accepted her the way she was. He didn't know if her gift of seeing and speaking to the dead was real or not. He loved her for her. He's always there for her when troubles arose and always talked her through her worries. And she did the same for him - although she sees the ghosts, so most of the time it's her troubles in focus.

They have believable sexual chemistry as well. They're hot for each other, it's as easy as that and they never let the spark die. I get a smile on my face and sigh a little with each moment of showing of affection, and no I don't just mean the "sexual" parts.

But I absolutely hate the episodes where Jim is dead. If you don't watch the show, it's a really complicated story line, but I guess I have to explain a little.


Jim gets shot, dies and won't go into the light because he doesn't want to leave Melinda alone. He realizes he can take over someone's body when they die because their spirit is no longer occupying the body and they've crossed over. Jim enters the body of a man (Sam) being resuscitated, and takes over his body when Sam crosses over. Melinda doesn't want him to do it, but he does because he can't live, for lack of a better term, without her."My road, my journey is with you. It is you. It's always been that way and that was the choice I made when- I cannot let it go just because I'm dead." - Jim

When he comes to, Jim can't remember who is, and the episodes drag on for awhile with complications with Sam's parents and former girlfriend in the picture. All the while, Melinda and her friends are trying to get Jim to remember who he is, but has a hard time because he has physical memories, such as scents, that interfere with Jim's memories, like wanting to have kids.

The episode where Jim finally remembers who he is really makes me happy. Because it was amazing to see how hard Melinda worked to get her true love back, and the excitement of both of them being able to be together again melts my heart.

They get "remarried" so that the world knows that Melinda and "Sam" are married and Jim says this -

Jim - This wedding, this marriage is just about us...it's just you and me, the way it's always been. Well, almost the way it's always been. But I've always been married to you, Melinda Gordon, no matter what comes between us, I always will be, no matter what's waiting for us. and no matter what we can't foresee - I promise you...This isn't a wedding, it's just a renewal of what we've always had.
Melinda - Of what we'll never lose.
Jim - Because you can't kill love.

Ugh, I'm a sap.

But my point is this.

I don't care if the show has great writers.
I don't care that it's not real, but it makes me hopeful that the love is real.
It's an example of what real love can be like between two people.
It can be romantic.
Steamy.
Caring.
Affectionate.
Strong.
Unbreakable - no matter what life throws at you.

That's what it's about.
It's about finding someone who you can confide in and who will always be there for you.
No matter if they're they're having a hard time crossing someone over the other side.
No matter if they lose their memory by taking over someone's body.
No matter what weird circumstances.
The love is there.
Always.

Jim: I do know one thing.
Melinda: What?
Jim: I'm ready no matter what's ahead for us. I'm ready to go down any road with you. Go through any door. I know that now more than I ever did.
Melinda: That's all I need.

NEW BLOG! NEW BLOG! NEW BLOG!

I have a new blog, one that is required for one of my classes - nothing is up yet but there will be by this weekend. It's about things I find annoying in the news - coverage, general stuff, etc. So FOLLOW FOLLOW FOLLOW!

Nuisances in the News

My Personal Philosophy - Relationships

Everyone should have their own philosophy on things in their life. This is mine about love/relationships. I try to follow it, but I'll admit, it's not always that easy.

Wait the heartache out.

But never wait out for someone when they don't want you.

Open yourself up to others because you never know how amazing something might turn out to be.

Be willing to forgive. The day may come when they realize you're the only one they will ever want to be with again.

Forgive them, but make a wise decision.

If you think it's worth it, go for it.

But never settle for less than you deserve.

Don't ever settle for someone who can't decide if they want to be with you or not.

Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you.

I'm a Good Friend

I love my friends.

And I love being there for my friends.

I try to be the best friend anyone could have - it may sound like I'm trying to be an over achiever, but I like being there for someone when they need me.

I like the feeling of being needed.

I like the feeling of helping someone in need.

It makes me feel good that someone comes to me to talk to.

I'll always be there for my friends when they've been dumped.

When they want to go out.

When they have need a girl's night.

When they get engaged.

When they have a baby.

Or when they just need a friend to talk to them when they're feeling like the world is crumbling beneath them.

When they want to reminisce on the old memories.

Or when they need to forget about the past.

And I try to find the right words to say to make their day better.

I try to find the right words to say to make them feel better.

To make them get over an idiot that dumped them.

To make them know they're better without them because they are.

Because my friends are the best friends anyone could ask for, and when someone decides to leave their life, I know what to say.

I know in my head that they need to be with someone who wants to be with them.

I know in my head that the advice I give is true, but it's hard for them to accept because rejection sucks.

But even though I put on serious face...

Even though I let them know the advice I give is the advice I would follow...

Even though I make being okay look easy...

I'm not that strong.

I'm not made of bricks.

It takes me time to heal.

And sometimes I just want to cry.

Because I still miss him.

I still miss him even though I shouldn't.

I know I should be with someone who knows what he has when he has me.

And maybe that someone is still out there.

But it's hard for me to want to be with anyone else.

Because sometimes I don't want anyone else.

But I pretend to be okay.

I pretend like I'm fine with moving on.

I pretend like I have moved on.

Because my friends need me to help them through their pain.

Because my friends need someone to talk to.

Because my friends need a shoulder to cry on.

And I do that because I try to be a good friend.

This Smile

How can I sleep with this smile on my face, with your face still etched in my mind?

When I talk to you all pain is erased and my heart flutters in the endless time

You know all the right things to say and how to keep my happiness afloat

You know how to brighten up my day and how to take the words straight from my throat

You do the small things that don't matter, but you know they do to me

My heart is yours on a platter, but you really don't see

But maybe you really do but that's just why you hide

You can see that I want you but you are simply too shy

Everyday I'll fight to the finish for what I really want, no matter the obstacles to take

Sometimes you'll see that I'm simply nonchalant, but know I'll never be fake

This smile is here for a reason, because it was put there for you

I'll be here for all seasons, no matter what I have to prove

Never Satisfied

It hurts to look at your picture, thinking about all the good memories we had

How I could love you forever, but now it only makes me sad

I gave you my heart, and I would have given you my all

But you crumbled it in your hands, and tore down my wall

But I broke it down for you because I thought things had changed

But after all this time, only my thoughts had rearranged

You could never love me fully, that's why we fell apart

We wanted different things, and you could never fill up my heart

I loved you dearly, and I would have done anything for you

But your vision of love was not real, your vision was askew

I'm not really sure if you knew what it was and there was something I could not trust

Did you really love me at all, or was simply based off of lust?

And now that this time has gone by and I've had time to see things through

I know what I would have done to show that I really did love you

But the true thing was you could never fully belong to me

Because with the years gone by, there were things that I could never see

But I see now what's real, and I see things that are true

Though I may have thought love was real, it just wasn't for you

I loved the thought of being loved, and wanted to give my heart away

But you aren't ready for that love, a love to reciprocate

So maybe in time you can finally understand what I really need

But for now, we part ways, because you're simply not ready to satisfy me

Find Your Own Path

It's easy to think about things from the past

And it's easy to think about wanting things the way they used to be

Wishing you could just go back for one more chance and hope to make things different

Hope to change something

Hope to make things better

You think about the things you would change and tell yourself you'd still be happy now

Because even if you're not your happiest right now, there's nothing you could have done to change things from the past

Things have a way a coming true no matter the path you take

Every path has different obstacles, but no matter how you go about them, more than likely you're going to end up at the same destination

One path may have been longer or shorter

Or smoother or rougher

You never know what is the right path to take, but if you think ahead, you're probably going to end up in the same place as you are now

But this is only in the instance of when a path was chosen for you

If you want to end up in a different place than you are now, you need to fend for yourself for once

Be who you wish to be and don't worry about what others want from you or what you think they want you to be

If you keep living life for other's happiness, you'll never figure out who you truly are

Find your own path and make happiness come to you

Make your own destination

Be who you want to be

And live life for you

"I'm a Big Kid Now"

I'm not quite sure if the commercial is still on television, but when I was a little bitty girl, I loved the Pull Ups commercial and I would always sing along with the song:

"Mommy wow! I'm a big kid now!"

If you don't know this song, then holy crap I must be really old.

When I was in my potty training age, I would always sing the song when I went to the bathroom or put on my "big girl pants" because I was so proud that I was becoming a big girl.

Well, I'm becoming a big girl all over again right now and I am proud, but I am not quite as excited as I was when I was two that I would sing a song about it - I'm more terrified.

This fall, I will be attending my final year of college - final for now since I'm not going to Graduate school - and I'm excited initially when I think about graduating, but then I think, well, what the hell am I going to do when I graduate?

I don't want to have to move back home, but I don't want to be broke, so I'm going to have to get a big girl job so that I don't go broke, but maybe I could get a job and live at home, save money to get my own place away from home. But ugh, I don't want to be gone from home for two years, get comfortable living on my own and have to rely on my mom for shelter again, so I should get my own place, but what if I don't get a job to afford it?

What the hell? When did becoming a big girl get so complicated? Why can't it be as easy as sitting on a toilet and just going? Why can't there be Pull Ups there just in case? Because - Learning to use the toilet wasn't easy then, and heading into the real world isn't easy now.

On another note, in less than two weeks - holy crap, only two - I will be doing photography for a wedding. My first wedding. My first photography job where I'm actually getting paid a good chunk of change. After I met with them, I thought woo hoo! I'm so excited! This is just the kind of experience I need to put on a resume! Now it's more like, Oh my God, I've never shot a wedding before, what if I mess up? What if they don't like the photos?

It's absolutely terrifying growing up and actually getting big girl jobs, but you have to start somewhere, and you have to do it eventually.

I'm giving myself my final year of college to do some major growing up and learn to put my big girl panties on. Mommy isn't going to be there to listen to my accomplishment song and she certainly won't be there to pull them up for me. I have to be excited for myself, and if it helps, maybe I'll sing a song along the way.

What I Did in Vegas

Introduction

Not sure who doesn't know this, but last April I was in a karaoke competition held at one of my hometown's bowling alleys. The person who won got a flight and hotel paid for to head to Vegas to compete in the International Bowling Karaoke Superstar competition. And you'll never guess who won...................okay it was me. So, without further adieu, here is how my trip went down. I'll try to keep it PG-13. Seriously. There was some rated R things that went down...if you'd like to know, just ask me haha.

(PS I apologize for any grammatical and tense errors - I wrote this really fast).

Saturday

So after waiting in line for 45 minutes to check in for my flight, I am 5 minutes late for the cut-off and am put on stand by. I head up to the terminal to see if I can catch it, and they won't let me go. So there I am bawling my eyes out because I kept having dreams where I missed my flight and what happens? Ugh..not the best start to my vacay. Anyway, I end up getting my flight changed, while Chelsie waits for like 4 hours for me at the airport in Vegas.

So once we get to the hotel, I grab something to eat, we get ready to go out, grab a cab and head to this club called Tryst. We looked amazing, yet somehow no one invited us to join them inside, so we waited about 20 minutes in line. We got in for free, each bought two $12 drinks that was about 90% alcohol, and I got to dance with the pretty black boy with the V-neck sweater. I was a little too much of a crazy dancer for him I guess, so he walked away but whatever, I was having fun. A little later we end up joining these older guys that had like $1,000 bottle service, got a couple free drinks from them - then one of the guys was getting creepy on me so I gave Chelsie the signal and we scrammed. As we leave, there is a bachelor party outside, we talked to them and they invited us to go with them to a "scantily clad dancing women's facility." They had a VIP section and spent close to $1,000 on bottle service. Given we were the only girls there, they were pretty friendly (lol). I got a free dance by a lovely female, and had a blast. Got a guy's number that I really had no intent on ever talking to again, but it turns out I did the next day.

Oh PS - we were out til about 4 am and I had to be a karaoke registration the next day around 8 am. Did I make it? You betcha.

Sunday

So Sunday I got up in the morning with about 2 hours of sleep and went to sing. Considering how late I was out, I sang pretty awesomely. Sadly, I didn't make it past the first round - but some really crappy people did, so I was pissed. Given the competition was pretty stiff, I didn't think I'd make it, but I thought I was way better than some of the people that had moved on. Continuing with the day, I met Chelsie and the pool, we ate the diner in our hotel (the Stratosphere - way out in the boonies, but it was free, so no real complaints). We went out again, I called up the guy from the bachelor party and he met up with us. He showered us with drinks and a free round of Blackjack, so he pretty much saved my entire trip because I was pretty broke. He came with us to this one kind of lame club, but we got open bar for $20, so needless to say, I was pretty ill in the morning.

Monday

I lost of my contacts the night before so the entire day when Chelsie and I walked the entire strip to site see and what not, I was pretty much blind wearing my glasses from 8th grade. We had dinner at the Bellagio buffet which was AMAZING! And then we sang karaoke at Bill's where they had dollar margs (we did it the night before too). Now, my voice was heading south from all the late night venturing and previous singing, but I sang "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and got amazing feedback from the like 40 some people in the audience - too bad they weren't my judges.

Tuesday/Wednesday

So Chelsie and I get up in the morning to get something to eat and check out the observation deck of the Strat. As I'm getting ready I get an automated phone call telling me my flight to Denver was cancelled. SO - I miss my flight getting there and now I can't get back? What the deuce - I was furious. Chels and I go the lunch buffet at the Strat, go the 108th floor, then wait around for my shuttle to the airport to arrive. As I'm loading my bag onto the shuttle - around 1:40 pm when it was supposed to be at 1 AND my flight was supposed to leave at 3:50, I get a phone from the airport explaining everything the automated call had and the earliest flight to Chicago they could get me on was at 11:15 pm. SO I was furious all over again - long story short, I waited the airport for 8 hours, mostly blind, alone, tired as hell, did I mention for 8 hours? I finally got to Chicago then to Minneapolis around 7:30 am on Wednesday where my dad brought me home and I slept most of the way back. I got home, took another nap, something happens inbetween, drove back to IC pretty miserable to continue on with my life.

At least Saturday went out with a bang.

Coincidental Song

Just when I thought I was doing better today, that song plays at the bar

But you see that song isn't a mainstream song

It's not a song you hear in every bar you go to

It's a good song, nonetheless, but why did I have to be there when it played?

Why did it have to be on that CD you made?

Why did it have to be by your favorite band?

Why did it have to make me hold my head in my hands?

There's nothing like a song to pluck the pain in you heartstrings

There's nothing like a melody that can make your heart sing

But those songs that remind you of a happier time

Are the songs that make you cry when you thought you were fine

Now, you see these kinds of things I tend to read with wrongful hopes

And I know they are only but a coincidence

But sometimes I pray that there are no coincidences and there are only signs

Like the kind of sign that makes your heart jump in your throat

Like the kind of sign that could only mean one thing

That things are about to change

But when it comes to songs playing in a bar

There is nothing shouting to me that's it's a sign

Merely a coincidence

Breathing

Maybe if I stop breathing for awhile my heart won't hurt so bad

I'll just hold my breath until the pain goes away

That's all it'll take

Just a few little breaths to live

But just one long breath for my heart to shatter

So I'll hold my breath, so my heart stops hurting

So it stops breaking

With each deep breath I take, it breaks a little more

With each teardrop fallen, it breaks a little more

It takes a deep breath to make the tears go away

But then the pain comes back again

Maybe if I stop breathing for awhile my heart won't hurt this bad

Just little breaths

Just little breaths

Just enough to live

Just enough to feel okay

Broken Pieces

When your heart gets broken it's hard to feel okay

But sometimes the best thing to do is pick up the broken pieces and continue on

Know it in your head and in your heart that it was worth it because in the end you will be smarter

You will be stronger

You will be braver

And you will be better without them

Anyone who will let you go is a lesson learned

Because you need to find someone who will do whatever it takes to keep you

That's what it's all about

Finding someone who won't let you go

Finding someone who will be there for you and will never break your heart

Finding someone who will help you pick up those broken pieces and want to mend your heart back together because the very thought of you being sad makes them feel pain too

So hold those broken pieces and keep your head high because in the end you are smarter

You are stronger

You are braver

And you are better without them

Summer Snow

The days keep going by but nothing has changed

I'm still cold

The days get hotter as summer continues

But I'm still cold

I move around to try and stir up my blood to warm me

But I'm still cold

It snows

It was raining before but then it just got cold, so now it snows

Nothing has changed

Can't you see?

I'm cold

Nothing is the same without you

But the snow

The snow is still cold

And summer will never be warm again unless the sun comes out

Non-Existent

You know that feeling while driving somewhere you visit frequently where you're oblivious to everything around you, and you're pretty much on autopilot? Where by the time you get to the destination you realize you don't remember anything about the drive unless something significant happened that normally doesn't. You don't think about the speed, you don't think about turning or signalling , you just go and before you know it you're there.

Well, I had a similar feeling happen to me today. I was walking down the street to Kum & Go to return a movie to the Red Box. I wasn't thinking about anything. I wasn't paying any attention to where I was going because I've walked down and back Burlington a million times. I then looked up at one of the buildings, and I noticed the angular structure of the building around the windows - something I hadn't noticed before, and suddenly I felt like I didn't exist. I know it sounds really strange, but I literally felt like nothing around me was real and I felt like I wasn't real either. I even thought to myself - "I feel like I don't exist right now." I've been feeling so alone lately that the lack of human contact has literally got me feeling like I'm disappearing.

It wasn't until the guy in front of me was having difficulties returning his movie - as did I when I tried returning mine - when things started to feel real again. We laughed at the fact the machine was being stupid and then moved on with our lives. I walked into the Kum & Go, bought a KG Koolee, and started walking back home. As I was about to cross the street some guy in his car yelled at me - "I could really use a wish right now, and you're my wish." It gave me a good genuine laugh and I felt like I existed again.

Time Heals

They say time heals all wounds, but it's really not true. If you continue to dwell on what happened, time passing by will never simply allow you to feel better, it'll only make things worse. That's what I'm having a hard time with right now - getting through this heartache I'm going through right now. By continuing to think about the future and how hard it may be, only makes me hurt more. And having this sort of hope in the back of my mind that things will get better is making me feel worse. I keep debating with myself about what the final outcome is going to be like. Things will get better in time if you let them. But if you keep thinking - when will I finally feel better? - when am I finally going to be okay with this? - it'll just be harder to reach that goal of happiness. Time doesn't heal all wounds, it may very well prolong the pain, but if you can learn to let go of your pain, then happiness will come faster if you let it. Now, if only I could listen to my own advice.

Sad is Easy, Happy Takes Work

I'm going to put on a happy face and smile.

I'll pretend like I'm okay.

That's what people want.

No Debbie Downers near.

Don't want to rub off my sadness to others.

But trying to be happy when you're not takes work.

It's easier to be sad.

It's easy to cry and listen to sad songs.

But I'm not going to listen to sad songs.

I'm going to put on a happy song like "Love Today" by Mika.

How can you be sad listening to that song?

Oh, I can, trust me.

It's easy.

It's easier to be sad.

It's easy to cry while listening to happy songs.

But I even have a playlist called Feel Good Music for when I want to feel happy.

I have songs like "My Girl" by the Temptations and "Come On Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners on it.

But it's not really working right now.

I also have a Crying Music playlist.

With songs like "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" by John Mayer and "Gone" by *NSYNC.

It's just easier to listen to that playlist and cry.

Ironically, "Smile," the Glee version of the Charlie Chaplin song started playing while I typed this.

"Smile, though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking, when there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by, if you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll see the sun come shining through for you."

They're very wise lyrics, a very true song for the way I'm feeling right now.

So I'll smile through my sadness, because being sad is a waste of time.

Even though it's a bit easier to be right now.

Glee

When I first heard about Glee, it was about 2 or 3 months before it even aired. I watched the pilot on Hulu and immediately fell in love with it. Why? Because I'm a show choir nerd.

Starting my senior year I was in show choir - in the Mohawk Chorale for Follies, because I love singing and dancing. While before then I was in dance and choir for most of my life, combining the two was probably one of the best decisions I ever made to do in my life.

When I got to NIACC, I tried out for the show choir there, didn't make it at first, but stayed in the concert choir because I loved singing anyway. Two weeks later, a spot opened up and I was in. And I'm not just saying this, but being in the NIACC Singers was probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I made amazing friends - the best friends I could probably ever have, doing and sharing a same passion as me - and I was doing something I truly loved.

After two years and our final performance, I bawled my eyes out because I was so sad it was over. But now that I'm not in show choir anymore, Glee has filled that part of my heart that was missing when my show choir career ended - for lack of a better term - it was missing glee. As some may know, I haven't been in the best mood lately, and as cheesy as it sounds, when I watch Glee, everything that I'm sad about is erased from my mind. It's just me and the characters, enjoying what they're doing and just being completely happy watching it. I couldn't ask for anything more. I own nearly every single song and when I'm feeling down, I listen to the music, and I'm happy again.

I can't imagine going through life without something that makes me as happy as music, dancing, and singing does for me. And I feel sorry for those who haven't found something like that. I'm not always a happy person, but with those sorts of things in my life, I am.

Without You

Without you, there are pieces of me missing

The part of my arms that bend when I used to wrap them around you are gone

The part of my feet that make me stand on my toes when I kiss you are shattered

Without you, there are pieces of me missing

My fingers that interlock with yours are broken into bits

My nails that would scratch your head when I massaged it are filed down to stubs

Without you, there are pieces of me missing

The pucker to my lips falls flat without yours to kiss back

My head that I would rest on your shoulder while we watched TV no longer tilts to the right

But pieces of my heart are still together

They're still beating for you

The pieces that make up my heart don't belong to me

Their with you

But without you, my heart hurts and pieces feel like their crumbling

Come to me and keep my heart from missing its pieces

Something Positive

Things are not looking up right now

But they're not looking down

We're just hovering over ground

I can pray for things to get better

I know it's summer but it feels like winter

In my heart

I just need something positive

To make me feel okay

Something positive

That'll tell me you will stay

I can't stay on the roller coaster

I can't take its up and downs

Just tell me things will turn around

And you'll be my something positive

Just the Rain

There's a thunderstorm going on

It's been going on for days now

I'm not sure when it'll stop

The lightning flashes

And I count the seconds until the thunder hits

One... two... three... four... five... six

It's not that close but I can feel it getting louder

The rain is pouring hard

There's another storm brewing

I count the seconds until the thunder hits

One... two... three... fo...

It's getting closer

I can feel it

I wish a tornado would come

Wouldn't that be exciting?

No, that would not be exciting

If it just hovered and didn't touch down

Yeah, that would be exciting

Lightning flashes

One... t...

It's here

It's been raining for days

The thunder pounds until I'm scared

I'm so scared

What's there to fear?

Thunder is just a noise

The lightning is what hurts

And oh does it hurt

What if a tornado came and sucked up the lightning?

Then there would be no thunder

Just the rain

I'd Be Fooling Myself

I could wipe away the tears from eyes and hold the pain in, but then I wouldn't just be fooling everyone around me, I'd be fooling myself.

I'd be fooling myself that the thought of this could easily be erased from my mind.

I'd be fooling myself that I could be okay with a decision that would change my life forever.

I'd be fooling myself for thinking that things could ever be okay again.

If you just gave in.

If you just let me try.

If you just could feel the love there once was.

I don't want to wake up for I fear real life.

I know that real life is worse than the dreams behind my eyes.

I'd be fooling myself that I could lay in bed forever and never have to face the world.

I'd be fooling myself that real life could be better than the visions in my head when I sleep.

Because when I wake, I want to fall back asleep to avoid the hurt.

I just want to close my eyes and wake up to a dream, because real life feels like the worse nightmare there ever was.

I'd be fooling myself to pretend that I was okay with living this way.

I'd be fooling myself to think that I could not be scarred.

I just want to sleep forever and never have to worry about this ever again.

But I'd be fooling myself if that were possible, because then I'd be dead.

Burning Room

Sleeping is dreamless and days are so long

So hard to breathe

So hard to be strong

How could you do this?

You always said forever

Would you leave me?

You told me never

I didn't mean to hurt you

And I promised I'll try harder than ever

But you're wrenching my only heart

To love you more is my biggest endeavor

If you love me enough

You will see this all through

My efforts to see past your flaws

Just aren't enough for you

I don't want to slow dance

And I don't want us to go down

Keep me where the light is

And I'll always be around

Right to an Opinion

So as 99.99% of Americans should know, we have the right to free speech, and the right to express our opinion. Some people like to keep their mouth shut to avoid confrontation, and maybe I should have done this, but I digress.

Just last night, my future roommate had a status update on Facebook about some new kid singer named Greyson, here is what she said: "OK. I don't know wtf is wrong with you people. I don't care how young someone is, they still have to be GOOD at what they do to impress me. NOT just good for "their age". That's right all you Greyson fans, I went there."

And so being curious about what she was talking about, I looked him up and watched this video.

Maybe I was being a little harsh, buuuut here's what I said, because like all Americans, we have the right to voice our opinions.

"this is rushed and your vibrato is forced. wait til you hit puberty and see how your voice changes. then maybe you can consider voice lessons. stop trying to be the next Justin Bieber. one is enough. you have plenty of time if you ever want to become famous since you're so young. enjoy your youth while you can and don't try to grow up so fast."

And since we ALL have the right to an opinion, we also have the right to rebut - and boy did I get A LOT of crap for my comment.

1) uhh _ shut the f up! he is not trying to be like justin bieber they dont even fall into the same category of music and i have not seen justin bieber write any of his own songs or play the piano like greyson.. if u dont like it why are u watching it and voicing ur retarted opinion

2) _ what the hell? this kid is embracing his talent and for such a young age this is incredible... dont critique him and then criticize him for not embracing his youth. its obviously people like you who put pressure on him in the first place, and for all you know this is what he loves to do most.

3) _ seriously who made u the expert critic here??? he has a voice and my guess is that your sitting at home wishing u had a voice as good as his so stfu and get over yourself seriously

4) _This is his version of the song so it is not rushed and his vibrato is great. I listen to your video and maybe the experts at his new record lable can advise him better.

5) Wow........You must have a lot of disappointment in your life. What makes you think he wants to be the next Justin Bieber? Is he not allowed to put on a show and let the world see his talent? How is performing trying to grow up fast? Would you rather he be at home playing video games? You might want to do a little growing up yourself.

Were some of them right? Yeah, good for him for doing what he loves. Yay. I just think he is trying to be the next Justin Bieber. Whatever happened to staying in school and being in choir and band? Really? Must every child on this planet who has some sort of talent become famous?

And were they right to assume the things they said about me? Ha- right. And telling me to grow up for voicing my opinion is even funnier. I was in my schools' choirs from fourth grade to my sophomore year of college. Am I the best singer in the world? No. Do I have some sort of knowledge on what rushing and forced vibrato is? Yes. Do I think he should wait until puberty to try and get somewhere with his singing? You betcha.

Boy, do I love the Internet.