My List

I haven't really made a legit "What I'm thankful for.." list in probably more than 10 years, and for good reason.
I never really wanted to write one because well, to say the least they are pretty cliche, and I didn't want to write one because it would have been forced.
I didn't want to write one because I felt like I had to, and it's not that I've never been thankful for the things that I have in my life, I just never wanted to take the time to make a list, because like I said it would have been cliche and forced and I don't like writing forced thoughts.

But this year I feel the need to write a list of things about what I'm thankful for because this year I've gone through a lot of changes and I've crashed through a lot of walls and I'm thankful that I'm able to keep my stride. So here it is, my list.

I'm thankful for my family.
Sure, there are things both my parents do to drive me up a wall, and sometimes I want to scream at my sister, but it's my family and it's the only one I have. My parents are divorced and sometimes it's still hard to comprehend, but as long as they're both around, I will still love them, flaws and all. They'll always be there to listen to me when I cry, when I need to get my car fixed, and when I just need a long, overdue hug.

I'm thankful for my friends.
I would not be who I am without them. I would not be as strong as I am without them. I would not be sane without them, even though some of them make me go crazy once in a while. I have the friends who will listen to me complain about anything and everything - thanks for tolerating it guys, or at least pretending to. ;-)

I'm thankful for my past relationships.
You truly have made me who I am today - stronger, careful, and even more eager to find someone who will truly care for me the way I care for them. But they've also given me the chance to show others a love and caring nature I always knew I could show to others, but never knew I could receive in return. You've given me hope that after each one, a new one comes along, and there are others that will come around again.

I'm thankful for my talents.
My ability to write poetically, in a journalistic manner, and creatively has given me the hope there is something I'm good at when I thought there was nothing. My eye for photography and my ability to keep learning to become better and being able to expand it into my journalism career. My voice which brought me to meet some of my best friends, and winning me a free trip to Las Vegas, and I'll keep on singing.

I'm thankful for being strong in my Faith.
Part of this is due to the way I was raised, but being able to continue to be strong away from home is what I'm most proud of. Being able to fight temptations, especially when they're so easy to falter to in IC. My faith has has given me the ability to care for others and be understanding of others. To be able to say no when I know something is wrong. To be able to believe everything happens for a reason, because I do and will always believe that, no matter what. 


And I'm thankful that I have grown to be a strong person, even when I felt like my world was crumbling beneath my feet. I'm thankful for being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and having the ability to chase after it.

So, You're Feeling Lonely?

So, you're feeling lonely?
Well, you're not alone, because I am too.
We're all a little lonely at some points in our lives.
It hurts the worse when the ones you love dismiss you.
But not everyone does.
Hey, you have friends!
Friends that love you.
And on your lowest lows.
The lows that make you feel like you're drowning in a never swirling sea.
You still have people as your search and rescue team to pull you out.
I am lonely, trust me, I feel the hurt everyday.
The rejection of past loves haunts me even when I comb my hair.
And I wonder if there was anything I could do to make it okay again.
I could try, but I don't think I'd be happy.
You can't be with someone who won't be what you want and you can't change them.
Surround yourself with the people who make you happy with who you are.

So, you're feeling lonely?
You can change that today!
Find yourselves in the arms of someone who cares.
And hold on tight to your friends.
Because you're not alone, I'm here, and so is everyone else.

Nearly Fatal Experience

When one goes from living in a town with not many pedestrians wandering about, to one where they are an always constant, driving habits must change.

I'll admit, when I first moved to where I live now, I always stopped on the crosswalk because I forgot that people are always walking.

But quickly enough, I started conforming to the rules of the road.

When driving, you must always be conscious of people walking - whether they're a apparent or not, they'll probably appear out of nowhere anyway.

When turning a corner, you have to yield to pedestrians walking across the street - they have the right of way.

The other day I was walking to class, like I do everyday. I'll admit, I start walking before the white light man appears, but that's because I know there is no one coming and in seconds I'll have the right of way to walk across the street. 

Well, apparently not on that day.

Driving over 35 mph in downtown IC, is just something you should not do because there are always people around. 

Like me. 

Walking across the street.

And turning the corner at fast speeds when there are ALWAYS people walking across the street is foolish and irresponsible.

I was not the only one crossing the street at this nearly fatal experience, but I was the only person is the direct pathway of this idiotic driver.

Before he realized what he had done, I was already on the way to avoiding getting hit. Yet, some stupid girl behind me wasn't aware of what was happening, and prevented me from getting out of the way of the car.

If that guy driving the car had not seen me, I would have gotten run over because I was blocked from moving to a safer destination.

My heart has never beat like that before.

My head has never spun so many times.

So please drivers, remember - you're not the only ones on the road.

I Write for Everyone

I don't write for anyone
But I write for everyone
I write for myself for release
I write for you to read and maybe
Just maybe
You'll understand me a little more
I write for you because you
You are just like me
You can relate to what I have to say
And sometimes I want to help you
If you can read what I say and know how I feel
Maybe we can help each other
Maybe we can help each other to be happy
Maybe we can help each other know...
Everything happens for a reason
And with the help from others
Happiness does happen in the end

I Wasn't

You'll always be the one I want when I'm feeling the most alone
Wishing you'd come back to me just to see what you've done
You've released me from the worry and pain that you caused
Of never knowing when the next time you'd be gone
And as much as I know that I am better off with you away
It's easier to picture my life if you would have stayed
But I would still have the worry of never knowing if I was enough
And apparently I wasn't

You'll continue on in your life of never being satisfied
Because as many times as you felt I was the best thing for you
I wasn't

I keep waiting for the day when you have decided to come back again
Realizing that I was the only person to make you happy
But apparently I wasn't

3 o'clock

It's 3 o' clock in the morning and a weird feeling is keeping me awake
At first I thought it was because I was hot, so I got out of bed to turn the air on
Not that
Then I thought my face was feeling claustrophobic because I never took off my make-up, so I washed my face
Not that
Then I thought I just needed to occupy my mind with the computer or something
That hasn't been really helping either because now I'm all flustered
Maybe I should write
That usually helps
So here I am
It's 3 o'clock in the morning and a weird feeling is keeping me awake
Maybe I should listen to my iPod
Maybe I should sync it, I haven't done that in awhile
Not really anything new though
I did get some gift cards from Thomas for my birthday though, so what should I buy?
A movie? Should I buy a movie?
But it's gotta be good
Something worth $10 that I don't mind watching on a tiny screen
Beetlejuice? It was one of my favorites and I don't own it
Penny Dreadful? Man, that is a great scary movie
Oh my God, I'm downloading Rocky Horror
It's 3 o'clock in the morning and I'm restless
I need to be up at 7:40 a.m. to be ready for class
I'm going to watching the Time Warp
Hopefully that'll make me feel better