6 Months or Less

I was in 3rd grade when my mom's mom died.
I remember everything up to the day it happened. I came upstairs one night to see my mom crying as she hung up the phone. "Grandma's dying" she said. That's all she had to say to make me start crying.
I remember going to Arizona for two weeks with my family, my sister was still a baby. My aunt and uncle and cousins were there. My other aunt and uncle were there. My other aunt was there. Everyone came to see her.
I remember going to see her in the care center. I hadn't seen her in a few years after she and my grandpa decided to move. She used to watch me while my parents were gone. We'd fold towels, eat 3 Musketeer ice cream bars, and play cards. I remembered her as a fun-loving, energetic, goofy person that she was. But when I saw her laying in the bed, she was someone else.
Lifeless.
Pale.
Dying.
And there wasn't anything anyone could do.
I don't think she knew who I was. I was scared of her. I was scared to even hug her.
She died a couple months later.
She had shared a room with a lady who said she saw two angels come and take her away one day. She died shortly after.


Recently I found out that my dad's mom has a brain tumor.
I found out two days before she was going to have surgery to have it removed.
I found out the last week I was home for winter break so I was able to see her at the hospital.
Dr. Beck said it was on the surface, so it should have been a fairly easy surgery, for brain surgery that is.
When I went to see her before surgery, a rush of emotion flooded me.
She shared a room with another woman as my other grandma had.
It was all too familiar.
She was sleeping when the nurse let me see her.
I had to go to work, so I woke up her up.
She looked at me once and then realized who I was after a few seconds.
She was tired, but responsive and aware.
She told me how she fell because she felt dizzy, and called herself in to see a doctor.
That's when they found the tumor.
My grandpa had a spill not too long before ...his heart has been acting up a lot, so he now has to stay in the nursing home. He wasn't around to help her.

I went the hospital the day she had surgery and my mom told me some devastating news.
She had cancer.
For the second time.
But it wasn't the same kind she had before.
They weren't able to get it all because it already started to spread.
At first they gave her a year at most to live.
Now it's only 6 months or less.

I don't know how to handle this right now.
I don't know how to handle this at all.
Both of my grandparents are in rough shape and they're just so old that they're telling us to be ready for anything.
One lady that works at the hospital and has known my family for years said "Let her go, don't let her have to hang on."
At first I thought, how could she say that?
Especially at a time like this?
But she's right, I should be ready for anything, I just don't want to be.

I never had the same kind of bond with Grandma Krominga as I did with Grandma Hoye, and I always had a strong bond with my Grandpa Krominga. But either way, I still love her.
When I was younger, we would sit at the kitchen table and she would paint my nails.
Every time I spent the weekend there, we would go the the Red Bull Dog(?) in the mornings. My grandparents would get coffee and I would get hot chocolate and toast with jelly.

It has only come to me in recent years that I realize how unappreciative my dad's side of the family is of my grandparents. That's just who they are though, it's almost like they can't help it. My mom and my aunt were the only ones who would ever help my grandma clean up after holiday dinners. When I've gone to see them recently, I always made sure I did the dishes.
Grandma once told me, "You're the guest, let me do those."
"No grandma, I'll do them."

I wish I had been more appreciative of her.
Of them.
I love my grandparents.
And soon, one more will be gone.
And all I can do is pray that she won't suffer anymore.