Acqua Di Gio, Cigarettes, Laundry Detergent, and a Little B.O.

Pretend like it's 1/15/09 because that's when I wrote it.

The other days Alycia, Nora, and I were at Target when we hit an aisle that they thought smelled like laundry detergent. I huffed and puffed and stormed my way from the aisle.

It smelled like him.

It wasn't a scent that would be...enjoyable I suppose...to anyone else who smelled it but it was his scent. The scent that I pick every time a draft goes by. It's not that I love the smell, it just drove me nuts that I could smell him when he wasn't even around.

Today was our first editorial board meeting for 2nd semester. As soon as I walked in the congested room and took my seat, it was there. His scent consumed the room. I'm probably the only one who noticed it. I'm probably the only one who would connect that with him. I wanted that scent to be mine again. It made me miss it. It made me miss him...UGH...

The following Tuesday I gave Ethan a hug during singers practice and he had that same scent. WTF. I had to do that whole double sniff thing to make sure that's what it was. Great, now every time I'm around him, I'm going to notice it.
Even when I went to get my T-shirt for tennis that damn scent was in the Pappjohn Office. And I noticed my shirt smelled like him later.

(Recent) There other day he sat about 3 feet away from me. I refused to glance his way. I couldn't smell him. I didn't realize I couldn't smell him until he walked away. It's like his scent is taunting me and I wish it would just leave me alone!

I can't go anywhere without that damn scent in my nose. Perhaps it's permanently lodged in there for reasons unknown to me.

The more he's around me, the more my heart aches and breaks without reason. I should be done with him by now. I should be moving on, but I steadily become weaker and weaker until I can't take it anymore. I try to be strong, I must. I know I can be. I just can't wait until I've finally moved on in my head and my nose...as well as my heart.

damn it i hate this.