Indifferent

Part 1:
Lately I've noticed that I've been really indifferent about things. My first instance is going to the University of Iowa next semester. I know in my head it's the right choice for my future plans with a career: journalism. It's the one school I've looked at that has a specific major for journalism. It's Journalism and Mass Communications; it's not Communications Arts, or English something or other. U of I is where I've told myself since sophomore year of high school, that is where I'm going. I used to be so excited about going and living with my best friend, but for some reason, I'm not excited and I want to be so bad. But the more I think about it, the more I think, what the fuck Kacie, what is wrong with you?

I'm even indifferent about what movies I rent. I couldn't wait to see Pineapple Express when it came to DVD; I missed seeing it in theatres. I also loved Wanted. When the choice came up about which one to get, I all of a sudden thought, oh, it doesn't really matter, I really don't care which one we get. I'm not just saying I don't care because I didn't want to have to choose, I really didn't give a shit.

I feel like I don't care about anything at all anymore.
Before Christmas, I told myself I was going to use the money I got to buy the Nikon Coolpix P80 digital camera. I couldn't wait until I had enough money to buy it and still have some extra money for my essentials. (PS: It costs $299.99 at Best Buy.)

I saved up and I had enough but I still didn't buy it. It's because I'm SO DAMN indifferent about getting it!
I keep saying I'm just going to save up for a MacBook because I need a laptop. I keep thinking about paying for summer classes. I have so many things I need to pay for but I'm not worried at all how much I'll have by the time I want to pay for everything. I need a camera, I want a camera. So, why the fuck haven't I done anything about it?

I haven't had a working camera since before Thanksgiving. Taking pictures is what I do. I used to be the chick who always had her camera on her. But guess what? I've become to indifferent that it doesn't bother me. I even don't care there have been gaps between my writings. I know it may not seem like it to some, but it feels like a while for me.

Part 2:
Writing is what I do. It doesn't matter how long it is. It doesn't matter what it's about. It doesn't matter that people are annoyed that I write so much because trust me, there are more in my journals than I have online, thank you very much. =] I have write. It releases something in me that eases my mind.

It doesn't matter how I'm feeling at the time, I can write about something that's making me feel that way, and I have no more emotion about it. It's on the paper and out of my system. If I start to feel consumed and congested with the feeling, I write again.

I'll keep on writing and writing and writing because that's what I do. That's who and what I am. So, if there's some kind of problem with it, get used to it punks. This isn't the last...

Part 1.5(?):
OK, so I may have thought that I am indifferent about everything and I can't find something I care about, but I guess I do. No, I don't guess I do, I KNOW I do. I love writing. I care about writing, a lot. Without my pen and paper, I don't know how I could get through.